Moving home

... or, well, blog home at least. Now to be found at http://elsewhile.org.

Hope to see you there! :-)

Equality for all - as long as they are all the same as me

Gay couple refused a room at B&B, wins court case against owners of B&B.
Source: BBC

Commenters have lamented that the owners could not chose who they allowed into their home. The point they are completely missing is that when the owners made the choice to operate a B&B from their house it stopped being their home and became the premises of a business.

If you refuse some friends of friends the use of your spare room because you don't want homosexuals in your home, that is you acting on your personal beliefs. But as a business, a legal entity, they are offering up a service to paying customers and so they have to abide by anti-discrimination laws.

The Christian Institute, who funded the B&B owners defense, said: "This ruling is further evidence that equality laws are being used as a sword rather than a shield. [...] Christians are being sidelined." How can they not see that in a society of equals, everyone's rights are of equal importance? Person A's right to follow whichever religion they chose does not supercede Person B's right to be treated the same as someone of a different sexual orientation.

Look at it this way. The couple were denied a room because the owners did not approve of people that are homosexual. What if you replace the word "homosexual" with "Islamic"? Or "of African descent"? Racism, religious intolerance, homophobia. They all amount to the same thing. Someone's beliefs prejudices them against a group of people. It doesn't matter whether or not those beliefs originate from  a book someone considers holy or not. It is not acceptable to treat anyone as a second class citizen.

On a personal level it is up to our own conscience how we treat others. On a business level the law tells us we are all equal and should be treated as such. Your right to believe that homosexuals / dark-skinned people / religious people are evil / are stupid / smell bad is not impinged by these laws. It only curtails you from actively barring groups of people from your shop / hotel / restaurant.

To my mind, when rights and beliefs clash, the rights of a person not to be discriminated against will always outrank another person's right to discriminate. Cases like this shows that, unfortunately, we are not yet tolerant enough to go without laws protecting them from us.

2010 & 2011

It is very easy to focus on the negative rather than the positive. I know I am far too good at it. So in the spirit of positivity I am going to look not at things I didn't do in 2010, but instead focus on the things I DID do.

Singing

I've been saying for years that I would like to be able to sing. Not for any particular reason, just to know that I could open my mouth and feel confident that what comes out won't send dogs fleeing for cover. I plucked up my courage and sent an enquiry to a local music school and was allocated a tutor. It has been amazing fun for me and I come out of each and every lesson with a glow of happiness.

Yes, I could progress better and faster if I was more disciplined about practicing between lessons, but you know what? I don't care. I am enjoying the lessons themselves tremendously and it's not like I have a concert looming in my future. I am doing this purely for me. It will take the time it takes and I will have a great time throughout the journey.

Style

Another thing I've been wanting to do for the longest time is to get "my colours done". You know, having one of those sessions where someone trained tells you what colours you look best in. So off I went. Half a day spent with a lovely consultant discussing not only colours, but styles as well. What to think about with accessories, belt or no belt, skirt lengths, coat shapes.

I walked out of there with a wallet of colour swatches as well as a booklet of what styles and shapes are the best for me. But the brilliant thing is that most of the time I don't even have to look at them. Caroline explained (and showed) why I want to make certain choices, which means that I can now look at clothes and most of the time just know whether the style will do what I want it to. Same with colours. Dark over light, muted over bright, warm over cold. Easy!

Volunteering

I've signed up as a volunteer for the London 2012 Olympics. I think they have handled some of it appallingly (For instance sending letters to residents asking them not to use their cars during the Olympics. Seriously - you didn't consider that people will still need to get to work?), but with it being just around the corner it could be fun to be involved.

They are calling people to interviews over the next few months, so I may not be offered a spot - but I think it could be an experience if I do. You can put down 3 areas you'd prefer to help out in and went for things to do with media, helping out in the Olympic village and something else along those lines. There were 11 areas, so there were more that I thought sounded interesting, but also some that I would not go for. Like working in the ticket office or with catering or recycling. Not my skillset at all and also not something I'd get any enjoyment out of doing. If I were to get offered something like that I would have to turn it down.

Skiing

We booked our 2011 ski holiday. We're going to Cervinia for I's birthday and we are both looking forward to it a lot. Last year we didn't get around to going for various reasons, so I am very pleased we got it booked in.

My problem is that I have to book trips at least 2-3 months in advance. That early on I'll be all excited and think it'll be great fun. Too close to the departure date and I'll get bogged down in the horror that is travelling. You know, trekking to the airport, queuing at the airport, sitting at the airport, sitting on the plane, queuing at another airport, sitting on a coach. Add in 2 people with stomach problems that are exacerbated by travelling and you have a recipe for "why don't we take time off and just chill at home". So very, very pleased we got that booked before the cold feet set in.

The future

We have talked a lot about the future this year. Not dream talk "if we didn't have to work, we could" or vague "sometime it'd be nice to" talk, but proper discussions about what we want out of life. Where do we want to live, what do we want to prioritise?

I am not entirely happy living in the suburbs, to my mind you have all the drawbacks both of city-life and country-living, but none of the upsides. But I am not blind to the many practical reasons why so many people live there. We're still throwing around some different ideas about what exactly we'd prefer to do, but in the meantime we are hard at work paying off extra chunks on our mortgage. The thinking being that when the time comes we will (hopefully) have more equity in our house which is something that gives us more options. At the moment we've set a deadline of 2012 for making a decision and starting down whatever path we chose to take.

Of course that is year away and in the current climate much can change in a year. I's work is probably facing redundancies, though the staff don't know yet how many or exactly where (very big place) - so that's kind of a big question mark for this year and possibly the next.

2011

Looking forward I don't have any major goals for this year.

I'm going to give the whole going to the gym thing another try for a couple of months, if it still doesn't work out then I'll cancel the membership. No point in paying for something you don't use, no matter how good it would be for you.

More singing of course.

More writing. I got out of the swing with it for the last few months last year, but I do want to keep at it - so I'll try to keep that up.

And of course there will be a fair bit of pondering of what I really want to do as our self-imposed deadline looms closer.

Embracing the dress

I have realised that dresses are probably the best garment ever.

No more hunting in the drawers for a top that goes with the trousers / skirt you are wearing that day. Just chuck a dress on and you are done.

Dresses work in all circumstances. Dress it up with shiny shoes and sheer tights, dress it down with boots and colourful, knitted tights.

A dress means you are never under-dressed, but you are also unlikely to be over-dressed.

There are dress styles for all shapes, find the one that flatters yours and you will never look back.

Embrace the dress - you won't regret it!

Happy cats

We lost one of our cats earlier this year. It was sudden and unexpected - he was only 7 years old. I'm not sure if it is possible for someone who have not had a pet to understand how devastating it can be. He'd been with us for 7 years since he was a 3-month old kitten. That's a lot of days of making you smile with silly playing, lots of days of cheering you up with a purry cuddle session and lots of days being greeted at the door by a chirrup and a headbutt.

It left a huge hole in our everyday lives. It was also very upsetting for his litter brother who was still with us. That was a whole other level of sadness, seeing Link look for Max and get all lethargic, not wanting to do anything. It broke my heart all over again to see him grieve and not being able to do anything to help him.
Having never been alone, Link did not take the loss of Max well. He ate less, didn't want to play and spent most of his time curled up somewhere close to us. He also became very, very needy for attention. It must have been awful for him to go from always having company to being alone for hours on end as we were at work.
So in the end we decided that we would have to find him a friend to keep him company. We did a lot of reading up trying to figure if it was better to get a new cat in soon while he still remembered having someone else around or whether you should wait for a longer time. Cat or kitten? Same sex? Same breed? What if he hated the newcomer and we just made things worse? The most common piece of advice to all these questions was: "It depends."

Cats have personalities and they will react to a situation differently, so there is no right or wrong. Just guesswork and hope. So after reading and talking, we ended up with the idea of getting two kittens. That way they would have each other to play with while Link decided whether he liked them or not.

So we went looking for a local-ish Bengal breeders with litters available. (After having Bengals it was impossible to imagine having any other type of cat.) We went to see a pair of almost newborn kittens (snow spotted), but ended up falling in love with an older litter at the same breeder that would be ready to go to a new home in a few weeks. There were 3 available kittens. Two blue seal lynx spot girls and a brown marble boy. Initially we were looking more at the two girls, but the boy just completely stole our hearts. As soon as you approached him he purred like a little tractor, he was unbelievably loud. And when he played it was with complete abandon until he was exhausted enough to simply not be able to anymore.

So then we needed to decide which of the two girls to chose. They were both outrageously cute with their pale fur and big blue eyes, but had completely different temperaments. One was very outgoing and super-curious, one was shyer. Of course we ended up with the shy one. After seeing her sitting on the sidelines when the other three played with the feather toy, one little paw lifted as if she really wanted to join in - how could we not pick her?

When we finally brought them home it took sometime to get her confident enough not to scurry under the sofa whenever we came into the kittenroom, but she has come on leaps and bounds. She still often allows her brother to get the toy even though she could take it herself (she is scarily fast when she does go for something), but she is not skittish anymore. She is shy around strangers, but will tell us off in a very strident voice if we fail to turn on the water tap for her to drink from.

The integration with Link has been hard and slow. We started with the kittens living in their own room, then gradual visits, then they got to be out while we were at home and then finally allowing them free rein in the house all the time. The kittens have been very curious of Link, the boy in particular quite obviously wanting to be friends. Link has not approved of the kittens. However, in spite of hissing and growling at them, he never outright attacked them. They might get a bat if they got too close, but he would then rather stalk off than get physical. Over time both the hissing and the batting has gotten more and more half-hearted and less and less frequent. The changes were so small and gradual that at times we were worrying that we had made the wrong choice and that Link would forever be unhappy with the additions.

This last week or so it has all been worth it though. There might be the odd hiss or bat if the kittens annoy him, but mostly they all get on fine. And the last couple of evenings they've all played chase together! Link is almost back to his old self from before Max died. He is perky and curious and playful. It is amazing. At the weekend he even groomed the little girl kitten. I'm betting we'll see all three of them curled up together this side of Christmas.

Color Me Beautiful

My textiles/sewing teacher back in primary school had us do the Color Me Beautiful thing on each other when we were about 13 or so. You know the thing were depending on skin tone, hair colour and eye colour you were either Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter. I was quite intrigued by this concept and was really interested in having it done properly. But it isn't cheap and I was quite happy doing my own thing in picking clothes and colours.

Fast forward 20 odd years (eeep!) and I've spent a few years feeling like I've lost my clothes mojo. I look at clothes and just feel overwhelmed. Just buying a pair of jeans I have to pick between 7 different models with no real idea what kind would suit my build best. I've gotten sick of being in a clothing slump and turning 35 seemed like a good time to do something about it, so I booked a session with an image consultant as my birthday present. 4 hours one-on-one to discuss colours, colour combinations, shapes and cuts.

It was great! It felt strange to talk about me and focus on me for so long, but it was a very interesting experience. CMB has moved on somewhat over the years. Instead of seasons there are 3 pairs of opposites. Soft & Clear, Deep & Light, Warm & Cool. All six are different, so you will usually quite obviously belong to one group. However, you will probably have a secondary group as well. For instance, I am Soft which means muted colours. Clear, bright colours doesn't look good on me. But as a secondary I am Deep, which means that within the Soft colours I should aim for the darker ones as the pale ones make me look washed out. It all made perfect sense when I saw the pictures she used as examples.

She also had huge amounts of pieces of cloth in any conceivable nuance, so she would put them next to my face and next to each other so I could learn to see for myself which ones to look for. Simple, but effective. Plus I got a wallet full of swatches of colours that suit my group and she marked the ones that were particularly flattering for me personally.

When it came to body-shape, she explained that the classic hourglass shape is still the most sought after and the one most people see as most attractive. So the idea is to figure out what shape you are and then try to make it look like you are in fact an hourglass shape. As an example, I am a rectangle. If I had a waist I would be an hourglass, but no matter my weight, I just don't have much of a waist. So what I'm supposed to do is to avoid any clothes that show that I don't have a trim little waist. Instead I should aim for things with an empire waistline or something straight that can be worn with a hip belt. Either option hints at a waist, but without showing up the fact that there really isn't one.

I'm hoping that by knowing what to look for and what to put straight back on the shelf will make me less likely to have clothes that I never wear. I'm sure I'm not alone in buying something because it looks nice, but then never wearing it. It just keeps getting down prioritised compared to other clothes that somehow just are more appealing to wear.

So this weekend I am determined to get around to going through my clothes ruthlessly. Is it the right colour? Is it the right shape? Do I actually ever wear it apart from when everything else is in the wash? Then I'll have a better view of what I might need more of and I get to go shopping, which I am hoping will be a more enjoyable experience now that I know what to look for.

Happy New Year

Autumn is here, summer is over. Afternoons might be warm but mornings are chilly and the air has that smell of seasons changing.

As my friend pointed out, autumn definitely feels like the time of changes and starting afresh. Maybe it is an ingrained response to all those years in school, when starting back at school was when things really changed. January 1st or December 31st are not really any different from each other. It is still winter and nothing is actually different.

Birthdays are pretty much the same, you are technically a year older, but your life doesn't change because of it. (Unless of course it is a birthday that allows you to do something new/legally - have sex, buy alcohol, drive a car.) A new school year, however, is when things tangibly change.

During summer (at least when working in an office), things tend to slow down somewhat. Colleagues, suppliers and clients are all taking time off at various intervals during the summer months - leaving business moving at a slower pace than normal. That combined with your own summer holidays means that when autumn comes you are energised and ready to make changes / get going again.

So in the spirit of this, I have some New Year's Resolutions.

1) Gym
Looking at the scales and in the mirror, I could stand to lose a few kilos. I'm technically not overweight, but only by a kilo or two.

There also the fact that my lifestyle is completely sedentary. Apart from small bouts of walking (like to the station or to get lunch), I spend the bulk of my awake time sitting. 95-100% of my working time is spent in front of the computer. 2 out 5 days I work away from the office meaning no proper monitor, no proper chair or foot rest, so my posture is even worse than normal.

Most everything I do in my spare time is done while sitting. Going to the movies, reading a book, playing on the computer, socialising. So I desperately need some regular physical activity.

My goal is to go to one lunchtime class per week every week and to try to do two classes a week most weeks. Sure, 3 times per week would be great - but I am trying to set a realistic goal that I have a chance to reach, with a stretch goal to try for.

2) 5 a day
I am rubbish at eating fruit and veg. Sure you get some through things included in lunch and dinner, but to fill the daily quota you need to snack on some too and this is where I fail.

I used to buy fruit with the idea that I'd eat it mid-morning and mid-afternoon as a healthy snack. Unfortunately, I'd then promptly forget about it until it was time to go home.

It is one of those things that I know is good for me, but where the actual doing has no particular appeal in its own right. So in an attempt to up our fruit/veg intake we've bought a blender to make smoothies with. Half a litre of fruit mush with some orange juice or diet lemonade to make more liquid, that should surely count as a few of my 5 a day.

We actually used to have a juicer a few years ago and as much as it was very tasty, it was a pain in the behind to clean. As long as you did it straight away, most of it was very easy, but there was one part that was just impossible. I don't know what it is called, but its surface looks like a fine grater with very sticky outie holes. The only way to get rid of the bits of fruit stuck to it is to scrub it with a toothbrush - every time. Ugh!

The blender on the other hand is very, very easy to clean. After making the smoothies, it takes a couple of minutes to clean the it. Rinse, quick wash, leave out to dry for tomorrow's use. And of course you get a goodly dose of fibre as well, which you don't get with juicing. Win win really.

The goal is to do this three times a week. Twice in the week and once on the weekend. If we can manage four or five some weeks, then great - but that is the stretch goal.

3) Singing

I'm already enrolled for the autumn term (just over a week to go - squee), but I need to get into the habit of practising. So it's time to go pick up a nice, cheap keyboard so I can play scales for warm-up exercises. I tried warming up just by singing some random easy songs, but it doesn't work. Without doing scales that push me to warm up to both ends of my range, I cannot reach the notes I can reach easily when properly warmed up.

My goal is to practise at least once a week between lessons - stretch goal is twice a week.

4) Blogging

I am enjoying writing and I am managing to write down a lot more drafts, but that's no use if I never go back and finish them and hit "Publish".

So the goal is to post at least once a week from now on, more is better, but less is not acceptable. Friday will count as the last day of the week.

In the past deadlines have usually helped me get past the draft / editing stage into the finishing / polishing stage, so hopefully this will work.

5) Clothes mojo

Finally, I need to make a push to sort out my wardrobe - big job (long story, will probably turn into a blog post of its own).

This is more of a project than something I need to get into doing each week, but so far I've not gotten around to it. Autumn is when I swap the summer clothes in the wardrobe for the winter clothes in the loft, so it's an ideal time to create some order.

• Wardrobe cleared out of all unused items - by Sunday 12 Sept
• Wardrobe updated with any necessary autumn/winter items - by Sunday 26 Sept

So that should keep me busy for a while. :-)